I'm sure I'll have moments of ambivalence in the wake of pushing my "fish or cut bait" attitude to the surface. I need to stop half-living my life. I've kept my feet in abstinance, one eye in the rear view mirror and one eye on the horizon for longer than is healthy. Longer than is wise.
Monday I opened my mind and my heart, again. Something I hadn't done in nearly a year. Tuesday night, somehow, my reticence to poking at the bear made way to resolve. Resolve to define, act and commit or let go.
The latter is the outcome. I knew it was a possibility. Until now I wasn't ready to accept that option. And to be perfectly honest, I couldn't really imagine he would allow it to happen. I really thought I was "all that" to him. Silly little fluffy headed ego of mine.
So my big, little world out there, let me have a little time to gather my wits about me and before you know it, I'll be poking my head out there and saying "hey" again. A little older, a lot wiser, and open to what you have to share with me.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
In My Head
Here's what I think I would have heard on Tuesday, had the conversation happened:
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I see how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
But again, that's just the bubble inside MY head trying to make sense of it all.
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I see how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
But again, that's just the bubble inside MY head trying to make sense of it all.
You Call This Living?!?
A couple of nights ago my friend and I were sitting in the living room talking about life and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, please just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Today Is A Keeper
OK - for as "brittle" my psyche was today, I told myself I was going to deal without leaving a wake. I think I succeeded :)
Last night I was chatting online with Plan A. After what I'd been through earlier, I didn't have the energy to take him out. I didn't feel like chatting either. Normally we can go on for hours. He apologized and really tried to cheer me up...asking about what I'd been cooking over the weekend, etc. While he screwed up, the misdemeanor, in and of itself, was not a felony. His error and my recent history, shot my patience through the roof. Anyway, he didn't know that, I spared him. I explained that, that, combined with my week thus far, really had me needing to go brood and get it out of my system so I could "get my happy back" today. The tactic worked.
Today was a perfect hair and teeny clothes day. People noticed. People commented. I had my cookie monster greeting this morning. I held a GREAT training session today with a couple of my team members. We even solved the world's problems with it. I knew, teaching the technique would wring them out and had promised them lunch. Had a nice lunch. I got to skip out of work a little bit early and absorbed the 66 degree weather. I stumbled across August Rush...at the grocery store no less.
Dinner was fabulous. I pulled off a great balance of tastes, colors and textures. (I'll post to "Kitchen" this weekend.) The wine was fabulous. I cheated with dessert and opted for the French Bakery to help me out. My daughter joined us before, during and after dinner and we all talked for hours. Just what the doctor ordered. Oh......and the vanilla promised to me a few years ago?....we're talkin' quart. I now have nearly a half a gallon of vanilla in my house - thanks to everyone, in the last three months either traveling to "vanilla zones" or making good on their promises. I really thought it was sweet that he'd remembered. Cookies and banana bread will abound. I'm going to have to take up custards next. :)
And Plan C was moved to tomorrow night and to my house. My social calendar is a buzz again....we all sorta took a hiatus during the Winter. Spring has sprung!
Yes, today is a keeper.
Last night I was chatting online with Plan A. After what I'd been through earlier, I didn't have the energy to take him out. I didn't feel like chatting either. Normally we can go on for hours. He apologized and really tried to cheer me up...asking about what I'd been cooking over the weekend, etc. While he screwed up, the misdemeanor, in and of itself, was not a felony. His error and my recent history, shot my patience through the roof. Anyway, he didn't know that, I spared him. I explained that, that, combined with my week thus far, really had me needing to go brood and get it out of my system so I could "get my happy back" today. The tactic worked.
Today was a perfect hair and teeny clothes day. People noticed. People commented. I had my cookie monster greeting this morning. I held a GREAT training session today with a couple of my team members. We even solved the world's problems with it. I knew, teaching the technique would wring them out and had promised them lunch. Had a nice lunch. I got to skip out of work a little bit early and absorbed the 66 degree weather. I stumbled across August Rush...at the grocery store no less.
Dinner was fabulous. I pulled off a great balance of tastes, colors and textures. (I'll post to "Kitchen" this weekend.) The wine was fabulous. I cheated with dessert and opted for the French Bakery to help me out. My daughter joined us before, during and after dinner and we all talked for hours. Just what the doctor ordered. Oh......and the vanilla promised to me a few years ago?....we're talkin' quart. I now have nearly a half a gallon of vanilla in my house - thanks to everyone, in the last three months either traveling to "vanilla zones" or making good on their promises. I really thought it was sweet that he'd remembered. Cookies and banana bread will abound. I'm going to have to take up custards next. :)
And Plan C was moved to tomorrow night and to my house. My social calendar is a buzz again....we all sorta took a hiatus during the Winter. Spring has sprung!
Yes, today is a keeper.
Big Girls Don't Cry
My grandson heard me crying Monday. He was so worried. Hard to explain to a 7 year old boy that life is sometimes complicated and your heart gets in the way.
Last night I refused to cry - I was crushed that my value fell behind "the drop in boys" - that big strong, take no prisoners at work man, wouldn't keep his promise with me.
Today I'm swinging back and forth between "I knew this would happen!", "Should I be surprised?" "Ouch" and "How many times you going to put yourself in a position to be let down again Teri?" and "I truly thought he was better than that!" to "I really thought this time would be different".
Last night I refused to cry - I was crushed that my value fell behind "the drop in boys" - that big strong, take no prisoners at work man, wouldn't keep his promise with me.
Today I'm swinging back and forth between "I knew this would happen!", "Should I be surprised?" "Ouch" and "How many times you going to put yourself in a position to be let down again Teri?" and "I truly thought he was better than that!" to "I really thought this time would be different".
Forgot About Me
And while eating my breakfast this morning, I realized I forgot to eat dinner last night. Was focused on getting things done so I could meet SweetStuff and plumb forgot about myself. No wonder I had a rumbly tummy this morning.
At least I got the cats fed.
At least I got the cats fed.
Belly Laughs
I guess I've developed a "reputation". I brought yummies in on Monday. Had a line out my door. One of the usual recipients wasn't in the office. Yesterday I gave him a hard time about it letting him know he'd missed out. After a puppydog face I said I would bring some more in today for him. Thank goodness I didn't forget. Here's the chuckle to it all.
I'm often the office earlybird. I got a call from one of my guy's wife regarding the emergency surgery he'd had yesterday. I set out to find our HR person, another earlybird. Still worrying about him, I headed back to my office. I nearly let out a yelp. Here is my co-worker sitting in the chair holding up a bottle of milk. He scared the living daylights out of me and then sent me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I hadn't even pulled the baggie out of my purse yet.
There are not words enough to capture that ultimate compliment.
I'm often the office earlybird. I got a call from one of my guy's wife regarding the emergency surgery he'd had yesterday. I set out to find our HR person, another earlybird. Still worrying about him, I headed back to my office. I nearly let out a yelp. Here is my co-worker sitting in the chair holding up a bottle of milk. He scared the living daylights out of me and then sent me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I hadn't even pulled the baggie out of my purse yet.
There are not words enough to capture that ultimate compliment.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Dirty Dancing
Baby (Jennifer Gray) is sitting the table with her parents and Johnny (Patrick Swayze) walks up to the table to get her to dance the final dance sequence and says "No one puts Baby in the corner."
Alphabet Soup!
I'm a plan B girl. Tonight I had to circle all the way around to Plan E.
A was what I planned to do tonight - that fell through.
B was to prep for tomorrow night - then something else came up so I was going to whiz through that.
C was what replaced plan B, which was a cascading effect of plan B for Sunday. (Plan A fell through).
Plan D replaced plan C and B. I decided it was most important. When that fell through I decided to remain calm and go with Plan E.
E = B. Instead of going with what I'd cobbled together earlier in the evening I went all out and added the Teri touch.
A was what I planned to do tonight - that fell through.
B was to prep for tomorrow night - then something else came up so I was going to whiz through that.
C was what replaced plan B, which was a cascading effect of plan B for Sunday. (Plan A fell through).
Plan D replaced plan C and B. I decided it was most important. When that fell through I decided to remain calm and go with Plan E.
E = B. Instead of going with what I'd cobbled together earlier in the evening I went all out and added the Teri touch.
Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum
I posted this last night at 11:57 and then pulled it offline so as not to influence the discussion planned for today. I really, really wanted to listen and not talk/type any more. I'd said my mind. It was time to listen and understand. Tonight I chose to refuse to settle. SweetStuff was all over wanting to take out whomever had pissed me off yesterday - and it was just that - I was pissed. Yet today, already, again, I lost my rank to everyone else. Here's the post in it's original form:
When crossing a street, be sure to look both ways. While meandering along, frothing at the mouth, I was blindsided last night with candor of the fingers. I did not realize that I had all that "eloquent poetic bluntness" all bottled up inside of me. Well, now, Teri, you popped that cork clean out of the bottle, didn't you?
When crossing a street, be sure to look both ways. While meandering along, frothing at the mouth, I was blindsided last night with candor of the fingers. I did not realize that I had all that "eloquent poetic bluntness" all bottled up inside of me. Well, now, Teri, you popped that cork clean out of the bottle, didn't you?
In retrospect, what I said (belched) was drawing a line in the sand. Not by any means acrimonious. It was saying I no longer wished to stand on the periphery of love and watch it atrophy or to be lazily strangled by apathy. Either I wanted to nourish it or find it another home.
The sum total of it all, unplanned, I challenged my sweetest one to a duel. The result, I'm afraid, may quite possibly find no middle ground.
The fair maiden awaits.
Stop Hoping
Start coping.
Tonight SweetStuff and I were going to meet. See what was there. What we could/should/would do?
I didn't know really where he stood, but had glimpses of this and that. I was glad that we were going to talk it through. I was looking for lines to color inside of and not just have blank paper to scribble on. Game rules. Understanding. I was looking forward to hearing how he felt. He was always so good at putting words to his emotions. I planned to be contented with whatever direction we went. Just glad that we could make an attempt together to define it.
He wanted to talk on the phone. I wanted to listen to him and to his face. It was important to me.
He had friends drop by. They trumped me. I had plans too and had changed them for him.
I really never thought I'd be sitting here blogging right now. Yeah, it sucks.
Tonight SweetStuff and I were going to meet. See what was there. What we could/should/would do?
I didn't know really where he stood, but had glimpses of this and that. I was glad that we were going to talk it through. I was looking for lines to color inside of and not just have blank paper to scribble on. Game rules. Understanding. I was looking forward to hearing how he felt. He was always so good at putting words to his emotions. I planned to be contented with whatever direction we went. Just glad that we could make an attempt together to define it.
He wanted to talk on the phone. I wanted to listen to him and to his face. It was important to me.
He had friends drop by. They trumped me. I had plans too and had changed them for him.
I really never thought I'd be sitting here blogging right now. Yeah, it sucks.
Vortexes Eat Me
Another one of those convergence weeks.
Happy Birthday Ken, RIP
Happy Birthday Julie - The Big 4-1
Happy Anniversary Robert - woulda coulda shoulda 22 years.
One year ago today I was in Seattle.
Last week Happy Birthday Heather
Next week Happy Birthday Wendy
Today, tomorrow - who in the hell knows?
Happy Birthday Ken, RIP
Happy Birthday Julie - The Big 4-1
Happy Anniversary Robert - woulda coulda shoulda 22 years.
One year ago today I was in Seattle.
Last week Happy Birthday Heather
Next week Happy Birthday Wendy
Today, tomorrow - who in the hell knows?
Monday, March 17, 2008
Saturation Point Hit
OK folks - I have hit, no, EXCEEDED, my tolerance of lack of social skills and nice nice.
When one offers up "I'LL LET YOU KNOW". F-ing follow through. I don't care if you're waiting for a better offer to come along. I don't care if you don't know if you want to do that or not. I don't care if you just can't decide. I don't even care if you have commitment issues. I don't care if you have a hard time choosing between chocolate or strawberry. I don't care if you think "yes" or if you think "no" will hurt my feelings.
If you choose to let 'I'LL LET YOU KNOW" escape your lips or your fingertips FOLLOW THROUGH.
It is a little relay. I ask you, you respond. Yes. No. I'll Let you know. You can stop the relay with a finite response or continue it forward with the promise of a future response. If you continue it forward the baton is IN YOUR HAND.
It is YOU who, who with the response "I'LL LET YOU NOW" have OFFERED a commitment. The commitment of a response.
And I say this not because someone made a mistake. Mistakes happen. I say this because to many this is a habit and it is a bad one and it erodes trust and respect and all of the things that come with honesty and integrity and friendship. It is inconsiderate. And....and....and...it pisses me off. And....sometimes hurts my feelings. And sometimes it means I have bought things to give to you or food to serve to you. Or maybe was looking forward to spending time with you. At the point that I have invited you I have made an investment in you...emotional, monetary, time, whatever.
Deep breath.
To put it much more eloquently: When you have been extended an invitation and have responded with "I'll let you know", please be kind enough to do so.
When one offers up "I'LL LET YOU KNOW". F-ing follow through. I don't care if you're waiting for a better offer to come along. I don't care if you don't know if you want to do that or not. I don't care if you just can't decide. I don't even care if you have commitment issues. I don't care if you have a hard time choosing between chocolate or strawberry. I don't care if you think "yes" or if you think "no" will hurt my feelings.
If you choose to let 'I'LL LET YOU KNOW" escape your lips or your fingertips FOLLOW THROUGH.
It is a little relay. I ask you, you respond. Yes. No. I'll Let you know. You can stop the relay with a finite response or continue it forward with the promise of a future response. If you continue it forward the baton is IN YOUR HAND.
It is YOU who, who with the response "I'LL LET YOU NOW" have OFFERED a commitment. The commitment of a response.
And I say this not because someone made a mistake. Mistakes happen. I say this because to many this is a habit and it is a bad one and it erodes trust and respect and all of the things that come with honesty and integrity and friendship. It is inconsiderate. And....and....and...it pisses me off. And....sometimes hurts my feelings. And sometimes it means I have bought things to give to you or food to serve to you. Or maybe was looking forward to spending time with you. At the point that I have invited you I have made an investment in you...emotional, monetary, time, whatever.
Deep breath.
To put it much more eloquently: When you have been extended an invitation and have responded with "I'll let you know", please be kind enough to do so.
Definition Of Insanity
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
- Benjamin Franklin
Teri translation: I keep setting msyelf up in the same situation over and over and over again and expect the results to be different than the last 22.5 times I tried before.
Face it chica, the horse is broke. Find a new horse, get a new ride, get some new dung on those boots. At least the stall you'll be shoveling will have a different view.
OK. Done.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Cooking Up A Storm
The title seemed appropriate as we have had snowshine today. Here are this weekend's treasures:
Replacement For Sex Cookies - Not my choice for a title, but it is a democratic sandbox I play in.
Chicken Tagine - This is the Morocan dish I blogged about yesterday.
Ginger Carrot Soup - This has become a favorite of mine. The ginger used or the orange juice can make a different presentation each time I make this recipe. It is never "carroty".
Spicy Coconut Shrimp Soup - A light and tasty, full curry flavored treat.
Replacement For Sex Cookies - Not my choice for a title, but it is a democratic sandbox I play in.
Chicken Tagine - This is the Morocan dish I blogged about yesterday.
Ginger Carrot Soup - This has become a favorite of mine. The ginger used or the orange juice can make a different presentation each time I make this recipe. It is never "carroty".
Spicy Coconut Shrimp Soup - A light and tasty, full curry flavored treat.
Little Miss Snow Shine
I'm going out. The sun is shining and it is snowing like crazy. Gotta love Spring Time in the Rockies!
August Rush Rush
Oh my heck - talk about a sleeper movie. The bugger is sold out everywhere I've gone. And everywhere I've been there's been stalkers trying to find it tucked into a crevice somewhere (that includes me).
Tonight the Target clerk managed to find two copies. I was one of three women hovering for the move. I was #2. The clerk set the two on the shelf and said she was going to slowly back away. #1 grabbed hers. I told #3 to take "mine".
#3 offered to go to another store. "Don't bother", I said, "This is my second and another lady earlier today had been to another before that." Take it, enjoy it. I saw it a week ago," (she'd last seen it in the theater), "I'll catch up to it later".
Why?
Because I will find it some where, some time. And today, I could make someone happy, by merely walking away.
Tonight the Target clerk managed to find two copies. I was one of three women hovering for the move. I was #2. The clerk set the two on the shelf and said she was going to slowly back away. #1 grabbed hers. I told #3 to take "mine".
#3 offered to go to another store. "Don't bother", I said, "This is my second and another lady earlier today had been to another before that." Take it, enjoy it. I saw it a week ago," (she'd last seen it in the theater), "I'll catch up to it later".
Why?
Because I will find it some where, some time. And today, I could make someone happy, by merely walking away.
In The Dark Of The Night
I realized tonight. I'm back. 100% Teri. Back. It's way after 2am. I'm roaming around my house as contented as can be. I used to do this all the time. Back in the Robert days, back in the pre-SweetStuff days, back when I was simply ME!
Weekend nights were how I bought time. Time away from work. Time away from being a mommy. Time away from being a wife. Time to enjoy a weekend. Time back to being ME.
People ask me if I'm a night person or a morning person. The answer is "yes"! Weekdays, I'm the early bird, weekends the night owl. It doesn't mean I sleep away the weekend days either. I don't.
I cycle through hobbies. Cake decorating, super computing, fabric painting, scrapbooking, genealogy........cooking. I have seasons, I evolve. The wee hours of the morning has traditionally been my playground. My creative passions thrive while others lay sleeping.
I went to Salt Lake City with my friend today. Tonight I cooked two soups and the Morocan dish. Tomorrow will be cookies, breakfast bars and something else I marked. Tomorrow there are more friend plans too. Monday I slip back into earnings mode. Next week offers reunions and newunions.
Weekend nights were how I bought time. Time away from work. Time away from being a mommy. Time away from being a wife. Time to enjoy a weekend. Time back to being ME.
People ask me if I'm a night person or a morning person. The answer is "yes"! Weekdays, I'm the early bird, weekends the night owl. It doesn't mean I sleep away the weekend days either. I don't.
I cycle through hobbies. Cake decorating, super computing, fabric painting, scrapbooking, genealogy........cooking. I have seasons, I evolve. The wee hours of the morning has traditionally been my playground. My creative passions thrive while others lay sleeping.
I went to Salt Lake City with my friend today. Tonight I cooked two soups and the Morocan dish. Tomorrow will be cookies, breakfast bars and something else I marked. Tomorrow there are more friend plans too. Monday I slip back into earnings mode. Next week offers reunions and newunions.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Home Cooking
I'm back home for a spell. Getting home late on Friday and then having plans for today, this evening I found myself planning my groceries and making my way toward the kitchen tonight.
I learned a new cookie recipe this week. I have a Morocan recipe I had stuck up on the refrigerator, planned for my return. Another recipe made itself known opening up my this month's Cooking Light. And two came forward as new old favorites that wanted to be made again.
And yet another, I pulled out again to make a special dinner for an old flame who's has crept out of the shadows again.
It's going to be a late night I think. A little new, a little familiarity, a lot of fun.
PS...I'll post the cookie recipe after I figure out if I got it down.
I learned a new cookie recipe this week. I have a Morocan recipe I had stuck up on the refrigerator, planned for my return. Another recipe made itself known opening up my this month's Cooking Light. And two came forward as new old favorites that wanted to be made again.
And yet another, I pulled out again to make a special dinner for an old flame who's has crept out of the shadows again.
It's going to be a late night I think. A little new, a little familiarity, a lot of fun.
PS...I'll post the cookie recipe after I figure out if I got it down.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Gush
OK - I promise at some point, I'll stop gushing about how wonderful my life is. But until then - it's your tough cookies for coming back to the trough to feed.
This has been a fabulous week for me. I'm in a beautiful place, working hard at a fabulous organization with the coffee station less than 10 feet from me. The people I'm meeting are intelligent, eager for the project and are absolutely in love with my company. My job is to keep them that way.
This week is the honeymoon. Next week is roll up our sleeves and get the get-go going. And that's OK too - it's what we do.
I am just roll-me-over-in-the-clover happy!
This has been a fabulous week for me. I'm in a beautiful place, working hard at a fabulous organization with the coffee station less than 10 feet from me. The people I'm meeting are intelligent, eager for the project and are absolutely in love with my company. My job is to keep them that way.
This week is the honeymoon. Next week is roll up our sleeves and get the get-go going. And that's OK too - it's what we do.
I am just roll-me-over-in-the-clover happy!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Who Would Have Thought?
Tonight, my girlfriend and I want to the movies. I'm stuck on this movie thing right now because it is across the street from my hotel. Talk about a big screen in (near) one's room.
I'm "working" in the town where my one of my forever-best-friends lives. Another bonus to my travels. Anyway....
We're doing the "dinner and a movie" thang. She opts to buy dinner. She tells the gal taking our order that we've been friends for 36 years.
This to me is just facinating and AMAZING...36 years!
We were 12 when we started hanging out and here we are still and again. We were Osmond and Sherman and Cassidy fans. We laughed on the phone Friday nights when the Brady Bunch was on. We ran with same bad crowd of boys. Back then we didn't have corkscrews in our luggage or purses - the bottles of booze were the best variety of screw tops we could get someone to buy for us...Boones Farm, Annie Green Springs and one other I forget. Later we traveled from state to state to visit each other. One visit to her home in Nebraska, my mother thought I wouldn't return. I was miserable in my marriage, tired of being hit and I was out of the house. Safe. Having fun. Enjoying our kids playing together. Mom was right, I almost didn't leave. Now today, we're still having fun. Watching our kids crank out grandkids. Still hanging out. Just like we always did. We don't miss a beat.
I'm "working" in the town where my one of my forever-best-friends lives. Another bonus to my travels. Anyway....
We're doing the "dinner and a movie" thang. She opts to buy dinner. She tells the gal taking our order that we've been friends for 36 years.
This to me is just facinating and AMAZING...36 years!
We were 12 when we started hanging out and here we are still and again. We were Osmond and Sherman and Cassidy fans. We laughed on the phone Friday nights when the Brady Bunch was on. We ran with same bad crowd of boys. Back then we didn't have corkscrews in our luggage or purses - the bottles of booze were the best variety of screw tops we could get someone to buy for us...Boones Farm, Annie Green Springs and one other I forget. Later we traveled from state to state to visit each other. One visit to her home in Nebraska, my mother thought I wouldn't return. I was miserable in my marriage, tired of being hit and I was out of the house. Safe. Having fun. Enjoying our kids playing together. Mom was right, I almost didn't leave. Now today, we're still having fun. Watching our kids crank out grandkids. Still hanging out. Just like we always did. We don't miss a beat.
Do You Think My Ass Looks Sunny?
From Juno - "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."
Amen.
Amen.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
They Could Be Brothers
One of the people I work with on my project looks like D. The eyes, the eyelashes, the face, the nose, the lips, the chin, the skin.
The voice, the coloring and mannerisms are different. But the face.
It's kind of neat - like instant history and trust. An instant rapport. Makes me know that I can do my job and be appreciated.
I loved that face. I stared at it intently, for what seems like forever. Last year, in the words that were written, I could see it. My friend got some calls, she got the voice too. Lucky her.
I don't know what happened. I used to believe with all my heart, that we'd find our way back to each other. We did, then didn't, then did, then didn't.
With him, it's like plucking petals from a daisy. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.
The voice, the coloring and mannerisms are different. But the face.
It's kind of neat - like instant history and trust. An instant rapport. Makes me know that I can do my job and be appreciated.
I loved that face. I stared at it intently, for what seems like forever. Last year, in the words that were written, I could see it. My friend got some calls, she got the voice too. Lucky her.
I don't know what happened. I used to believe with all my heart, that we'd find our way back to each other. We did, then didn't, then did, then didn't.
With him, it's like plucking petals from a daisy. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.
Why I Do What I Do
I often have family and a few friends who wonder how I can bear having to travel for my job so much. Let me try to explain it using the last two weeks as an example. And I'll take other trip as a contrast/balance to the picture I'm trying to build for you.
First - I love my job. I love the travel it requires, the work that takes me there and the industry we serve - it has been the my career, my family feeder, my life interest.
Second - I still remember the first time I realized project teams came from all parts of the U.S., every week, to play with software at my office. YOU CAN DO THAT? I WANNA DO THAT TOO! Not really liking to meet new people, I wasn't sure how the idea and I would fit together, but I figured I'd figure it out. It is like starting a new job every few weeks or months. I mastered that, stalked industry, got a job. Wooo hooo!
Third - I love the fact that every morning someone fixes breakfast for me! I love that everyday someone makes my bed. I love that my home away from home is always clean. Yes, I live as a minimalist for weeks at a time - but that's less to keep track of anyway.
Fourth - Last week my "office" was in Santo Domingo, this week on a lake (as in walk-the-plank-to-get-to-get-to-the-office on a lake.) Yes, I've had to go to sites in Timbuktu where the biggest town's attraction is the pagoda on the city park's lake, but I've, by golly seen that pagoda. I've seen 1600's New England headstones, Civil War headstones, Columbus' tomb, and met and played with Rock stars and celebrities because of this job. And over and over and over again, I get to work with the allstars of my industry.
The pay off, for me, far exceeds the effort put forth or the compromises needed to do it. Sure, I miss a family event now and again. Sure, some weeks my time hits nearly 80 hours. Sure I get stuck in an airport or have my luggage lost or miss the shuttle home by five minutes and have to wait another hour. Some flights I'm in the center seat in the last row and an all night flight, but sometimes I get to sit in the front and sip champagne before take off. Sometimes my room needs paint, sometimes it is a suite (at one point in time -they were sometimes actually bigger than the apartment I was living in). Sometimes the breakfast choices are along the line of a granola bar and sometimes it offers up caviar. Again, the rewards and experiences far exceed any hassles I've ever encountered.
I do it because it is so very much more than I ever thought I could or would do. I'm so very, very blessed in all aspects of my life.
First - I love my job. I love the travel it requires, the work that takes me there and the industry we serve - it has been the my career, my family feeder, my life interest.
Second - I still remember the first time I realized project teams came from all parts of the U.S., every week, to play with software at my office. YOU CAN DO THAT? I WANNA DO THAT TOO! Not really liking to meet new people, I wasn't sure how the idea and I would fit together, but I figured I'd figure it out. It is like starting a new job every few weeks or months. I mastered that, stalked industry, got a job. Wooo hooo!
Third - I love the fact that every morning someone fixes breakfast for me! I love that everyday someone makes my bed. I love that my home away from home is always clean. Yes, I live as a minimalist for weeks at a time - but that's less to keep track of anyway.
Fourth - Last week my "office" was in Santo Domingo, this week on a lake (as in walk-the-plank-to-get-to-get-to-the-office on a lake.) Yes, I've had to go to sites in Timbuktu where the biggest town's attraction is the pagoda on the city park's lake, but I've, by golly seen that pagoda. I've seen 1600's New England headstones, Civil War headstones, Columbus' tomb, and met and played with Rock stars and celebrities because of this job. And over and over and over again, I get to work with the allstars of my industry.
The pay off, for me, far exceeds the effort put forth or the compromises needed to do it. Sure, I miss a family event now and again. Sure, some weeks my time hits nearly 80 hours. Sure I get stuck in an airport or have my luggage lost or miss the shuttle home by five minutes and have to wait another hour. Some flights I'm in the center seat in the last row and an all night flight, but sometimes I get to sit in the front and sip champagne before take off. Sometimes my room needs paint, sometimes it is a suite (at one point in time -they were sometimes actually bigger than the apartment I was living in). Sometimes the breakfast choices are along the line of a granola bar and sometimes it offers up caviar. Again, the rewards and experiences far exceed any hassles I've ever encountered.
I do it because it is so very much more than I ever thought I could or would do. I'm so very, very blessed in all aspects of my life.
