Teddy Bear Tea Party

I retreated today. I took the day off from work, from being a friend, from being a parent and from being a grandparent. I felt an emotional day coming on and decided instead of letting it lurk and keep pecking at my head, to turn around and face it full on. Use it, go with it, let it happen.

I started last night with eating leftovers in the loft. I started watching the election returns and decided they would still be here this morning and served up without all the rhetoric. I was a brat and drink a glass of wine in protest of a Utah law that says alcohol can't be served anywhere in the state until the polls are closed. By the way, I don't have a problem with that rule. I have a problem with the polls being open until 8pm. Close them at noon or at five and let the drinking begin. And and and then too we wouldn't be one of those "undetermined" states on television.

I went to bed early and remembered to turn off the alarm. I woke to the smell of coffee and having dropped another two pounds. Still no coffee delivery boy (see Notable Actions in a Relationship #5) in my house, but at least it was steaming hot and waiting for me without any effort on my part.

It started snowing at 8am and stopped at 8:15, started at 8:3o again and so on and so forth. That's OK. My favorite days home are when it is snowing. It eventually made way to blue skies and sunshine (doesn't everything?). I did rock-star hair, donned the warmies, grabbed my pack and bagged iPod as it was doing its own thing going through all my audio books by itself and was nearly dead, and headed out. It's a nice feeling to know you have a whole day of wandering ahead of you.

I walked to the Mall by way of Starbucks. I visited Build A Bear bringing home a floopy pink bear in memory of Mom - they didn't have angel wings :( Mama Bear will join Red Bear , Santiago Bear and all the white bears in my collection; Hallmark - want this but got a little booboo version of one of these, and emptied the Bath and Body Shop. I broke my own rule about buying shampoo`. I tried to shop at Kays but was told "the special doesn't start until tomorrow". OK - I got the postcard, I walked to their store. I said I wanted to buy a few things. Get a clue folks - your customer is standing in front of you and talking in plural. (This is why I praise Bed Bath and Beyond weekly - their coupon program doesn't have boundries). I had California Pizza Kitchen's yummy Miso salad and also ordered the Pinot Grigio at 11:51. How did I know the time? The waitress said she'd bring the wine in nine minutes. Welcome to Utah - at least it wasn't Super Tuesday.

My cats checked on me a hundred times, my friends, fortunately less, but they all stayed very close.

I recalled having coffee with my mother; smoking together (and once we both thought the other had quit and ran into each other sneaking puffs out back of the house); the donut shop; heated debates; dance costumes; giggle fests; the robin egg blue Belair (wrong color for a pre-teen's mother to be driving); sneaking into a bar, underage, only to meet up with her on the dance floor; sending her "city" at night or "city" in the fog postcards from all over; "Bob"; having a "kegger" in the basement without her knowing it and her being upstairs thinking my friends were so nice to come up and see her all night long (you do the math: 20+ kids and a pony keg in the basement and one bathroom and mom upstairs); the multi day bus trip to Mississipi in 1962-1963 to visit my brother (more to this story - let me tell you), my first airplane trip to Phoenix and the snails she let me fly back; my first and only road trip with her to Kansas. I recalled living in the castle house; when we bought she bought our first house; that she never said anything bad about my father, although I know he wasn't good to her; how proud she's always been of me; dragging main with her and her honking at the cute boys (I was always hiding under the dashboard at that point); that she never told me I was an accident (although I was).

Mom sometimes had a potty mouth (defined by the 50's - not today), she was over protective, and when she was mad she was a yeller. That my friends, is the extent of her faults.

Mom taught me that women are special without being less, playing it safe isn't the funnest, take risks and love hard. Run, fall down, get up, go on.

As you can see - I blogged a ton today too.

Today was all about us. She who made me and the space I needed to honor her. It was a good and positive day. No tears were shed. Instead, I felt so happy that I am who I am! Coffee cup up!