For A Monday

Today was an excellent day. Usually it is emotional for me - the day after an empty weekend. The dayI finally get to reconnect. Monday's seem to be the day we always "talk through it". Well, there was not a single word uttered today, which is beyond sad as a whole, but neither was there any effort on my part to reach out. I'm spent on trying to keep a relationship afloat. I have no anger, no agnst, no remorse. I do have great memories and I'm grateful that I was allowed to be so loved and to participate in such a joyous partnership. I think I understand the lessons I was supposed to learn. From there who knows?

But I had was a peaceful day. I got a lot of work done at work and at home, yoga, a good start on the week.

I'm thankful for every day, whatever it serves up to me. But I'm grateful that life allows me to keep moving forward and feeling loved and loving towards whatever comes my way. For a Monday that's pretty darn good. I consider it a success!

In The Pink

I just have to post this. My son-in-law is a die hard Pittsburgh Steeler's Fan. He hates the Denver Broncos. I love them. He bought me a pretty pink Bronco logo hat. I love it. I love it. I love it. And the effort behind him doing it is not lost on me. Thanks for loving me and my sweetie girl!

(P.S. Laura, I know you helped!)

You Do The Math

Take a Grandma (me), six grandchildren, three daughters, three days and what happens? One gets 107 photos to wade through. I promise later this week I'll post for my birthday and my trip. I have a busy week ahead of me - a wedding shower at my house, customers in town, a wall to finish and opening weekend at Timp Cave to do - so bear with me. Last wee was a wonderful week. I have the best friends and family on the planet - you'll see so too.

In looking through my photos - I really, really, really, need to order some prints. I have a lot of memories to capture and I have some really awesome daughters and grandkids to tout.

No More I Love You's

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now...
(I don't find myself bouncing round whistling
and fortunes to make me cry)
No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love you's"
Changes are shifting outside the word
(The lover speaks about the monsters)
I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire,despair,desire,so many monsters
Oh but now...
(I don't find myself bouncing round whistling
and fortunes to make me cry)

No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me in silence
No more "I love you's"
Changes are shifting outside the word

They were being really crazy
They were on the come.
And you know what mammy?
Everybody was being really crazy.
Uh huh.
The monsters are crazy.
There are monsters outside.

No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me in silence
No more "I love you's"
Changes are shifting outside the word

Outside the word

Annie Lennox

Wonderfulest Weekend

Thank you all for a wonderful weekend. I feel so loved. I can't imagine my life without all of you in it.

Tiara-ed and Feathered

Decked out in my teal tiara and boa, my friends and I celeberated my birthday at Asuka tonight. I cannot tell you what a great and wonderful group of people I have the privilege of being friends with. Thank you for a most memorable and joyous evening.

Next week I promise you a birthdy blog and pictures!

Beautiful Day

Today was a beautiful day. Not only was it sunny, warm-ish, and the baby ducks started appearing (12 of them), I was at peace. People noticed, "glowing" was one adjective, "fine" was another.

No ambiguity, no false hopes, no let downs. Not one.

The irony is not lost on me - the symptoms and the correlations to dates. Yes, lightening does strike twice in the same place. But the second time it hits, one knows how to deal with it. As to the dates - I can smile at Karma - she's got this down pat. One of these days, we'll do lunch.

Getting Stronger

I really don't understand why I lose myself over and over again. I know that my Yoga makes me physically and mentally strong. My Faith has gotten me out of the deepest of pits, repeatedly. But again and again I let my inner self become lazy and My Teri atrophies. Maybe this is the lesson of this "exercise".

Yes I know....if He leads you to it, He'll lead you through it. On this I have never ever wavered.

Birthday

My Birthday is Thursday. I love my birthday - I love having been born, I love being a girl/woman. I love the heritage my family gave me. I love my children, my friends, my cats, my life! My friends always gather and celebrate with me. It it the most important day in my year - in any year.

This year we're embracing my new found love of sushi and my forever fondness of Japanese food. My ex-mother-in-law, Ruth, used to always take me to a Japanese Restaurant in Sukura Square in Denver. So a long tradition is revived in a new way.

Thanks Mom for making me!

History

I heard this the other day and wrote it down - I have no idea where I heard it or who said it. But here goes:

The most important history is the history we make today.

Make today count for yourself and someone else!

Coming Home

This is how I am welcomed home each and every day. Baby Kitty sits on the chair, paws resting on the chair arms, looking out the window. (The picture is taken from outside looking in.)

Everyone Needs Help

Everyone needs help sometime Peter, even Spider Man.

Mary Jane, Spiderman 3

My Yoga Room

I finished my Yoga Room today. With the exception of curtins - I can't, just can't put the blinds back up it would just be wrong!

For a room devoid of furniture, I find myself wanting to just "be" in there.

I used shades of green and kept the closet doors dark, as my daughter had when it was her room (navy blue for her!). The walls are decorated with traditional yoga decorations: a lotus blossom and an om symbol (Sanskrit for "God").

I have a ceramic piece from the Dayton Peace Museum, blessed dirt from my church in DesMoines (from the remodel), a cross from Notre Dame, a Buddha candle holder, religious figurines from various Eastern religions, a Mezzuzah (Jewish door amulet) from the Washington, D.C. Holocast Museum, a scallop shell (symbolic of my upcoming trip on the El Camino de Santiago).

This room is so very very me (and a little bit more).

1st Hike

I took my first official hike/walk this year. I've been doing some walking - but today it was official. I peeled off 7 miles walking from the Provo Canyon entrance to Bridal Veil Falls and back.

I compared the walk today with other trips I've taken up there. The trees were budding. The river started rushing louder and I looked up to see rain clouds over some of the peaks. Probably a combination of a warming day and the precipitation.

I was tempted to head off trail, but was leery because of the threat of rain. I knew on the mountain it could easily become snow.

Loss

“Until this moment, I never understood how hard it is to lose something you never had.”

Jules - I Did It!

I totally redid a room. (90% done). Yes, COLOR on the walls. No kidding. Wait until you see it - you'll be so proud of me!

I Have The Best Life

You know - now and again I have a bad day, where I bemoan the imperfections in my life. I have a good life. I have tons of good people that daily wrap their lives around mine and make me feel like I am the most important person in the world. I'm grateful for my firends, my life, my spunk and my me.

Congratulations Baby!

“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.”

I'm so happy for the three of you! Neither of you could have picked a better partner :-)

Not The Traction I Wanted

I've had a great weekend. But today I needed a hug.

I wanted to finish my project today.

1st delay - Spent night at friend's - almost all nighter - yak yak yak. Early start OK. There could be worse things than having fun!
2nd delay - Note to self on mirror: Tires. Drop top, pile regular tires in Miata, bungee to everything and theaten their possible mutiny. Wait, wait, wait. Haul snow tires home.
3rd delay - Storing tires. Decide to put them in a different place. Find that cabinet in storage room that is full of paint and chemicals is damn near at a 45 degree angle. The bottom, due to all the snow this winter, is now deterioriated. Not only do I not have something small enough to prop under the front (however I did get that little piece of wood of the rafters quite cleverly). I had no place to put the parts had I dismatled it (like a Miata going to the dump with a bunch of rotting lumber is going to work- and oh yeah it's Sunday).
4th delay - Brittle emotions. Tired of quiet house and doing my project alone. I do NOT want this one to stretch out and go unfinished.
5th delay - I don't know how to apply primer and I don't want to read about it on the Internet. The doors look like crap. I hate crap.
6th delay - me.

I can make this better - This is my life and I am the author. Nothing like a personal accomplishment to regenerate myself. I've been alone for over 9 years now. I can make it through today just like I have the last 3285. I've always been self sufficient and creative.

The difference today? I didn't want to be self-sufficient, creative or clever. I wanted someone to do it for me.

Gave Up

I didn't get the brushes at 1AM after all. After pulling an all nighter last week, I just didn't have it in me. But, the sun is rising and I'm off to do errands and that will get me the stuff I need and back to "the drawing board" - oh wait - that's my other project!

I did squeak a couple of chores in this morning - that's at least progressing on something!

Have a fabulous Saturday - do what YOU love!

1 AM

I don't have the right brushes. The spongy thing that looks so cool is perched on a stick. When the spongy stuff decides it is tired, I get wood marks. Grrr.

Change clothes, drive to Walmart. There is a reason there are Walmarts and it is for a still not 47 year old woman, with puncture wounds on her A**, who is on a mission to paint a room before she sleeps.

Reason to have men in your life: (No ladies it isn't to paint the room for you) it is to keep you "occupied" on Friday night so the last thing on your mind is to paint a room.

Zoom zoom.

Oh Yeah!

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

Get Ready To Laugh Your A** Off

It's Friday night. I had my Friday Starbucks, helped a friend clean his kitchen, got a bee up my bonnet to do a project. TONIGHT. (As if I don't already have one started that is four months in progress.) Anyway.....picture this:

11:00 pm. My iPod is blasting Bruce Springstein, Ricky Martin, Pink Floyd, really movin' stuff. I'm crawling around on a ladder. I'm being very careful as it is late and I'm alone. I'm coming off the ladder in a narrow doorway and manage to park my butt on two coat rack hooks.

Yes, folks I speared my butt right though my underpants and shorts. I have two puncture wounds - one on each cheek. (Fortunately the Vicky's underwear is still in tact - much better shape than my A**.) Now imagine further applying antiseptic to those spots. Try finding them in a mirror to apply the antiseptic. Yes, you're getting the picture.

So much for a serene yoga room - it's off to a great start - let me tell you.

Roller Coaster Day

I had a good day and I'm having a rough evening.

Work had a party for the April birthdays. It is always sweet (minus the confessions we always have to make). Cake, cookies, ice cream and flowers.

Flowers lead to memories, memories lead to math, math leads how much and how little. How little leads to pout. And here I am.

Well missy missy Sunshine says: It can only get better.

So I snuggled the cat, kicked my own backside, stomped out the pout and I'm getting on with it.

Wheeeeeeeeeee! (I ride roller coasters with my arms in the air!!!!!)

The Dress

Shopping in Vegas was fruitful (the heck with slot machines). While shopping for The Wedding Dress, we found my Wedding Guest Dress. Mine is this style - just a little lighter lace.

Love This Quote!!!

"Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly will acquire the skill to do difficult things easily."
-- Johann von Schiller

Namaste

I am having the most fabulous day! I am so happy that I could do cartwheels. It is amazing what a couple of yoga sessions can do for the spirit. I’m sorry that I’ve been so negligent with my practice. Being one with the mat truly puts me in “my special place”. Namaste!

Yoga

I've been ignoring my yoga practice. It used to give me physical and emotional strength. I'm turning to it again, full hog. NOW!

Insensitive

People can be so insensitive. It blows my mind sometimes.

Diana Does Vegas

My friend, Diana, is getting married next month. Both she and her husband-to-be work at the same company I do. Louise and I took her to Las Vegas this weekend for a Bachelorette Party. We documented the trip.

http://dianadoesvegas.blogspot.com/

We had a blast!

Today

I thought today would be another painful "day after". It wasn't. I felt a great weight lifted from my shoulders. I heard what I needed to hear. I know what I needed to know. And the venue was with the voice, the eyes and the two of us holding each other tightly. It made all the difference in the world to me.

And...I've been seeking an answer to a question for nearly a decade and the answer was delivered to me on a silver platter last night. And in a couple of weeks I'll pass that insight along.

I cannot begin to articulate how at peace with the world I am today. (Although several people pointed it out.)

PodRunner

If you're a walker or a runner there's a fabulous website (or you can get there through iTunes) called PodRunner. There is some AMAZING techno music, classified by heart rate, that will pace your exercise routine.

I used to walk, now I WALK.

Check it out!

http://www.djsteveboy.com/podrunner.html

Monday

It's a Monday alright.

On the upside - A bunch of us checked out the new Indian restaurant today for lunch. It was so new, the service was still unpracticed, but the food was AWESOME!

On the downside - I had a personal shocker at work today. Ouch. Talked it out. I'm still drifting. We'll find the stride - it's just going to take some practice.

On the 'oh crap' side - I went to make my dish for the party tomorrow and was one ingredient short. I hate midnight runs to the store.

On the upside - there's a party tomorrow!

On the upside - My daughter said the nicest thing to me tonight. Her words were comforting. She's got her first "his family" visit this weekend. :)

On the upside - The weekend is just down the road!

OK - the upside wins!

The Weekend

I managed to stay pretty fleet-footed this weekend. Not settling in one place for too long. I think it helped keep me from brooding.

I wondered often what SweetStuff was doing and I also thought about what happened. I had a few friends write/call. I didn't cry, but telling about how sweet it had been always made a catch in my voice, telling about now was just dull. Fortunately people know me well enough to know that the sweet was a milestone and they reminded me that "I still had it" (for what it's worth this day).

I blogged about Spain and emptied the bookstore. I walked eight miles this weekend - a good spring start.

I miss him. I do. I've been given no choice in this - no plan B. Press on sweetie - you always do.

12:05 AM April 1st

Happy New Year!

I said yesterday that April was going launch my new year. And here we are. Toot! Toot!

I have already completed three tearless days. (Ahead of my resolution already!)

Last night was another wine pairing at Chef's Table. Oh the food exceeded the one a few months ago! It even (sorry to say this out loud) exceeded the food from two weeks ago in Seattle. (Sheesh time flies). We were seated with a lively couple who I remember seeing at the last event.

The weather is lovely this weekend and I hope to get a few more miles in. And of course....coffee with the girls!

I belive the weather report is calling for some Thunder next weekend.

Happy New Year everyone!