Today is the oddest day. I don't have the desire to cook or necessarily to work on my art. I don't have any great tasks to accomplish since I managed to clear all my to-do's out Friday night. I have a great desire to go to sleep - but I know as rested as I already am, that would spell trouble for tonight. So....
I'm about to un-cyber myself, grab my art books and Eclipse and curl up on the couch and do.....nothing more than turn pages. If I doze, I doze.
This weekend has been great - errands done, yoga, very late night of dinner with friends, a long and uplifting call with the special one, a leisurely morning coffee with my daughter, etc., etc.
Nothing to do or complain about...Nirvana!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Weeeeeeeel
I did it tonight - an unassisted Wheel in yoga!Yeah!
And I'm still not confident enough to do handstand in the middle of the room - but can keep my feet off the wall for an extended period of time now.
Yeah!
My promise to myself is that I will not lose six months of effort again! No way!
Onward and upwards!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
In Support of Jammie Day
I talked to my Valentine about 2:00 or so today. I laughed as I told him "and I'm still in my pajamas". Never missing a beat he said. "Whatever you do today - stay in them. Thre's nothing better than thinking it is 10:00 am and realizing it is 2:00 or 3:00 pm and you're still relaxed, staying at home and in pajamas. Those are the days we want to hold on to."
I'm looking forward to our first jammie day.
I'm looking forward to our first jammie day.
Hide And Go Seek
I sometimes think this child's game should really be the basis of heavy psychological profiling.
I get these bursts of realization now and again of myself. How so many times I have let the true part of me wander off in pursuit of finding myself. And while I "wander off" I do find new things that grow myself, I really do who I am and what makes me the most happy.
And, I find that in pursuit of "other stuff", I find myself tired and worn out and not able to accomplish much.
Example, I had let my yoga practice fall away a couple of years ago. While I still told the world that I did yoga. I did, sort of, now and again, and my heart and magazine subscriptions were still in it....but my body was not. I seemed so busy that I couldn't fit in, even one night a week. Now, I'm back in my practice three times a week and working full time. I'm doing art, spending more time with my family and friends and cooking and spending some time every day with my Valentine. I'm reading copious amounts of varied topics, taking in Netflix every day and sleeping normal hours. So...what has changed?
So very much, but the change has been back to the skin I feel most comfortable in. The active / athletic part of me (still a weird concept to me), the artistic part of me, the learning part of me and the part that likes entertainment in the vein of vampires (haha) and mysteries.
I'm just a girl from a solid and teeny disfunctional family who loves to be surrounded by people who own rose colored glasses too. I love the glitter and the glam and enjoy entering it now and again. But for the most part - give me a book and a cuddle and I'm good for the long run.
So occasionally while I play hide and go seek with Teri...the game ends and she heads home...just her basic self.
I get these bursts of realization now and again of myself. How so many times I have let the true part of me wander off in pursuit of finding myself. And while I "wander off" I do find new things that grow myself, I really do who I am and what makes me the most happy.
And, I find that in pursuit of "other stuff", I find myself tired and worn out and not able to accomplish much.
Example, I had let my yoga practice fall away a couple of years ago. While I still told the world that I did yoga. I did, sort of, now and again, and my heart and magazine subscriptions were still in it....but my body was not. I seemed so busy that I couldn't fit in, even one night a week. Now, I'm back in my practice three times a week and working full time. I'm doing art, spending more time with my family and friends and cooking and spending some time every day with my Valentine. I'm reading copious amounts of varied topics, taking in Netflix every day and sleeping normal hours. So...what has changed?
So very much, but the change has been back to the skin I feel most comfortable in. The active / athletic part of me (still a weird concept to me), the artistic part of me, the learning part of me and the part that likes entertainment in the vein of vampires (haha) and mysteries.
I'm just a girl from a solid and teeny disfunctional family who loves to be surrounded by people who own rose colored glasses too. I love the glitter and the glam and enjoy entering it now and again. But for the most part - give me a book and a cuddle and I'm good for the long run.
So occasionally while I play hide and go seek with Teri...the game ends and she heads home...just her basic self.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Perspective
Several wonderful things happened to me this last week.
1 - It clicked. What was still gnawing at me wasn't insensitivity as I had classified it, it is actually character traits. When the lightbulb went on, I replayed a couple of head movies and voila! Total understanding. And with undertanding comes enlightenment. And with enlightenment....comes absolution and freedom from pain chains! YAY!
2 - I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter. Just kinda hanging out and catching up on stuff. It was marvelous. And our wonderful annual St. Patrick's meal. We tried to get Nick to eat cabbage and join in on the inevitible fart-fest - but he wouldn't voluntarily sign up for it. I do have to get working on planning for the secret family recipe lasagna for Easter!
3 - My conversations with MyArtist last week were uplifting and personally fulfilling. He's happy for my happy. I'm happy for his happy. And Linger is at the framer's getting her permanent gallery stretch. She join's the other fine paintings of MyArtist in Galleria Castilla. While Verdigris is sentational and amazing.....Linger will hold its own place in my heart. The gift. And I value and appreciate the deep friendship we have.
4 - Lenny's getting married! Joy - joy - joy! If someone cracked him - any man can be won over! I cannot wait to meet this special woman!
5 - PJ Scooby - what a gift you are!
I was a rough week for many, many reasons. But taking a few minutes and putting it all into perspective made me realize, again, how fortunate I am to have so many wonderful people surrounding me. Every second of every minute of every day.
Lucky me!
1 - It clicked. What was still gnawing at me wasn't insensitivity as I had classified it, it is actually character traits. When the lightbulb went on, I replayed a couple of head movies and voila! Total understanding. And with undertanding comes enlightenment. And with enlightenment....comes absolution and freedom from pain chains! YAY!
2 - I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter. Just kinda hanging out and catching up on stuff. It was marvelous. And our wonderful annual St. Patrick's meal. We tried to get Nick to eat cabbage and join in on the inevitible fart-fest - but he wouldn't voluntarily sign up for it. I do have to get working on planning for the secret family recipe lasagna for Easter!
3 - My conversations with MyArtist last week were uplifting and personally fulfilling. He's happy for my happy. I'm happy for his happy. And Linger is at the framer's getting her permanent gallery stretch. She join's the other fine paintings of MyArtist in Galleria Castilla. While Verdigris is sentational and amazing.....Linger will hold its own place in my heart. The gift. And I value and appreciate the deep friendship we have.
4 - Lenny's getting married! Joy - joy - joy! If someone cracked him - any man can be won over! I cannot wait to meet this special woman!
5 - PJ Scooby - what a gift you are!
I was a rough week for many, many reasons. But taking a few minutes and putting it all into perspective made me realize, again, how fortunate I am to have so many wonderful people surrounding me. Every second of every minute of every day.
Lucky me!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Baby Ethan is with the Angels
Baby Ethan
Born August 1st, 2008 at 6:43pm, 8 pounds, 0 ounces, 21 inches long
Died March 13th, 2009 at 5:10pm, 26 pounds, 0 ounces, 26 inches long
My heart goes out to his brother, Riley, his mother, Tia and his daddy, Kip
Born August 1st, 2008 at 6:43pm, 8 pounds, 0 ounces, 21 inches long
Died March 13th, 2009 at 5:10pm, 26 pounds, 0 ounces, 26 inches long
My heart goes out to his brother, Riley, his mother, Tia and his daddy, Kip
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Believe
Life is tidy sometimes.
I have wonderful men in my life who are always circling me and protecting me. They let me know that I'm perfect and loved and special. Some have been around for decades, some a little less, some even a little less. They are finding themselves. They are becoming whole again. It is wonderful!
And the timing is perfect. So many hearts are thumping with joy right now - it is magnificent!
I have wonderful men in my life who are always circling me and protecting me. They let me know that I'm perfect and loved and special. Some have been around for decades, some a little less, some even a little less. They are finding themselves. They are becoming whole again. It is wonderful!
And the timing is perfect. So many hearts are thumping with joy right now - it is magnificent!
Baby Ethan Update II
Ethan's family was called to the hospital tonight in Seattle. They don't expect him to live much longer. Prayers please.
Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor
OK - that might be an over-statement but the surprise when I received the cream colored envelope today. Yes, Mr. 4th of July is getting married next month!
He's one of my favorite people. I see him once a year, nearly every year, on the 4th of July in Seattle. It is the annual destination for my daughter and me. A simple friendship - no Christmas cards, no email, no phone calls, no birthday cards. Just every 4th of July a couple of beers, a couple of hugs and some great conversation and a fabulous light show!
We became friends when he was getting a divorce and so was I many many many firecrackers ago. Many cups of coffee and cigarettes and lots of counseling, coaching, and cajoling.
Congratulations Lenny - I'm so happy for you. And yes, I'll see you both on the 4th. And as you always say "Love ya man!".
He's one of my favorite people. I see him once a year, nearly every year, on the 4th of July in Seattle. It is the annual destination for my daughter and me. A simple friendship - no Christmas cards, no email, no phone calls, no birthday cards. Just every 4th of July a couple of beers, a couple of hugs and some great conversation and a fabulous light show!
We became friends when he was getting a divorce and so was I many many many firecrackers ago. Many cups of coffee and cigarettes and lots of counseling, coaching, and cajoling.
Congratulations Lenny - I'm so happy for you. And yes, I'll see you both on the 4th. And as you always say "Love ya man!".
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Last Two Days
The last two days have been absolutely bizarre. Everything is topsy turvy. Some stuff is like fabulous great and other stuff is just wrong. Stuff I wouldn't expect, does. Stuff I didn't expect, did. Things I doublechecked still went sideways. Totally out of kelter.
People praising me for the same thing I'm getting kicked for. Support coming from the most unexpected places.
Goofy, challenging, painful, fun. Yuck, yay, crap, and damn.
It's like March's winds are blowing right though me and mine.
Blech.
People praising me for the same thing I'm getting kicked for. Support coming from the most unexpected places.
Goofy, challenging, painful, fun. Yuck, yay, crap, and damn.
It's like March's winds are blowing right though me and mine.
Blech.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Prayers Please
Remember baby Ethan? The son of one of the people at the hotel in Coeur d'Alene who took such good care of me. I get updates every few days and the little guy is still struggling.
He was born August 1st. He's still in the hospital! And they just moved him to Seattle by airplane.
Here are previous posts.
http://gossamer-wings.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-ethan.html
http://gossamer-wings.blogspot.com/2008/08/ba.html
Please pray for him and his family. It has been so long, so intense.
He was born August 1st. He's still in the hospital! And they just moved him to Seattle by airplane.
Here are previous posts.
http://gossamer-wings.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-ethan.html
http://gossamer-wings.blogspot.com/2008/08/ba.html
Please pray for him and his family. It has been so long, so intense.
Remembering Robert
Robert,
10 years ago today....... It seems like forever and yet just yesterday. Your family and I miss you.
With love,
Everybody
10 years ago today....... It seems like forever and yet just yesterday. Your family and I miss you.
With love,
Everybody
Monday, March 02, 2009
Mr. Wonderful
Thank you PJ Scooby for making me feel like the most beatiful, most adored woman in the world. You never fail to bring a smile to my face, laughter into my day and sweet dreams into my sleep.
Thank you for being a most wonderful and very appreciated you!
Thank you for being a most wonderful and very appreciated you!
One Last Comment
I've grown weary of the topic of SweetStuff and Friend. While many continue to want me to jump on a bandwagon, I don't need to and I don't want to. My opinions are my own and they shall remain as such. It has been interesting to see everyone's true colors. But I don't want to hear it any more. Don't ask me to take sides - hers, his, mine. I won't.
Move on everyone, just move on.
Move on everyone, just move on.
Robert
You are not forgotten.
You live on in the hearts of many - every day.
I hugged the girls for you today.
We miss you.
You live on in the hearts of many - every day.
I hugged the girls for you today.
We miss you.
And then there was Sunday
Coffee and reading Nicholas Sparks outside in the sun, top down driving, lazy shopping, keeping my ADD at bay watching the heavily sub-titled Kite Runner. I floated through the day.
Periodic chats with my Valentine.
Oh and the dreaded clean up of the night before...three dishwasher rounds (that included 16 wine glasses) and a counter full of pots and pans.....but it was worth it.
It was a beatiful and restorative weekend!
Periodic chats with my Valentine.
Oh and the dreaded clean up of the night before...three dishwasher rounds (that included 16 wine glasses) and a counter full of pots and pans.....but it was worth it.
It was a beatiful and restorative weekend!
My Value System
I had lunch last week with a friend of mine. He too might be considered collateral damage in the ongoing soap opera saga.
He had some really great things to say about me and my "friendship" qualities. Trust. The ability to be an insider to many and hold secretst tight. There was more. He isn't the only one that has mentioned this before. I value what he shared. I mourn the loss of his general presence in our group and vowed not to be a passive participant nor facilitator of the derision and division going forward.
There has to be some balance and eradication of exclusion. It shouldn't be all or nothing. Relationships should not be expendable. Friendships should not be based on whether someone is core or considered an "appendage" of the one person or another.
We're grown ups - not junior highschoolers.
Friendships are supposed to be a safety net that you can fall into and never hit the ground. But, like a marriage, it requires integrity, honesty, trust and conscious decision making. An awareness of cause and effect, beyond self, particular to the "partner". And, as in marriage, poorly made choices, overlooked opportunities, erosion of foundations, etc., can lead to dissolution.
I have found, that people are now coming out of their caves to express their thoughts. Some are opinioned, some are neutral, some have shared some not so nice phrasing of the "girlfriend code".
I'm beginning to see that I "knew" a lot longer than I realized I knew, which was much sooner than I was informed. It doesn't matter any more - the when, the how, the who. I have listened more than I've spoken and I've learned much.
The thing that matters most is how I conduct myself, what thoughts I think, and how I hold myself accountable for my choices. I have many people that care about me, consistantly and compassionately. And these people deserve the very best of me - now and always.
He had some really great things to say about me and my "friendship" qualities. Trust. The ability to be an insider to many and hold secretst tight. There was more. He isn't the only one that has mentioned this before. I value what he shared. I mourn the loss of his general presence in our group and vowed not to be a passive participant nor facilitator of the derision and division going forward.
There has to be some balance and eradication of exclusion. It shouldn't be all or nothing. Relationships should not be expendable. Friendships should not be based on whether someone is core or considered an "appendage" of the one person or another.
We're grown ups - not junior highschoolers.
Friendships are supposed to be a safety net that you can fall into and never hit the ground. But, like a marriage, it requires integrity, honesty, trust and conscious decision making. An awareness of cause and effect, beyond self, particular to the "partner". And, as in marriage, poorly made choices, overlooked opportunities, erosion of foundations, etc., can lead to dissolution.
I have found, that people are now coming out of their caves to express their thoughts. Some are opinioned, some are neutral, some have shared some not so nice phrasing of the "girlfriend code".
I'm beginning to see that I "knew" a lot longer than I realized I knew, which was much sooner than I was informed. It doesn't matter any more - the when, the how, the who. I have listened more than I've spoken and I've learned much.
The thing that matters most is how I conduct myself, what thoughts I think, and how I hold myself accountable for my choices. I have many people that care about me, consistantly and compassionately. And these people deserve the very best of me - now and always.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Yesterday
Yesterday was soooo cool.
Yoga, nap, reading, cooking, friends, wine. Started early, ended late.
Life is good.
Yoga, nap, reading, cooking, friends, wine. Started early, ended late.
Life is good.
