The $64 Question

I knew that once I was back from Spain this would come up. "Are you going to start dating now?"

It was easy to shrug off the question before the trip. "I'll think about that when I get back - this is my focus now." I'm back. What's the answer?

I didn't think about it on the Camino - I thought about my peoples, but not about where they entered or, if applicable, exited my life. So now the flag has been raised and I need to look at this....or not. I guess that's an option too.

Sometimes I whine a teensy little bit that I won't ever get to celebrate a 25th wedding anniversary (I guess I might....if I worked really fast and we both lived and lived happily everafter until I was at least 75). I had a 10th wedding anniversary once, but it was forgotten by the other half. I don't want to repeat THAT either. Are you beginning to understand my thinking?

I haven't dated much in the last decade. I few dates here and there, a few relationships tried. Mainly I worked and mom-ed. I did work my way up to being at a super company and a fabulous job, I travel for work and pleasure, my family is grown and I own real estate and a fun car. All things I'd never done before either due to age, financial status or "the partnership". Is that related to being single? Depending on how you spin it, yes.

And...I had to deal with the "fix thyself or you'll do it again reality" then (a decade ago) whereas everyone I seem to meet is just crossing that threshold now. I am not the "answer" to multi-decade broken marriage. I'm flattered that so many think I am, but I'm not.

One thing that I do revel in is that with pretty much everyone that I have been involved with in passing or longer term, I've come away with something more in me than when I started. This is a beautiful thing and I'm grateful for it. My world and soul have been enriched because of the encounter(s).

That said. I don't have an answer to the question. I know I've spent an ton of money the last six months at the bookstore and all the storylines are running on foreign soil. I can still hide behind the Camino and the excuse that very few people could understand or support my return. And, I'm very tempted to bury myself under the warm fleece of emotional preservation, to say "maybe after the Holidays" which personally I could drag out until April 27 of 2008. And then, there's the Mexico.......

How 'bout them Broncos?